People get stuck. Stuck in old patterns of behavior that ultimately prevent meaningful growth. Why? Well, being stuck has its virtues: it's easy. When we're stuck, we're in a space that is comfortable, familiar, has no risks, etc. Furthermore, repeating old patterns of behavior is an efficient way of avoiding feeling lonely, boredom, etc. For example, using intoxicants or foods, staying in contact an old boy/girlfriend, etc. tend to provide immediate gratification. Most of the time when we're stuck, we don't realize we're stuck; or if we do, we don't care. But at some point most people begin to realize it, e.g., you notice that you've been doing the same things over and over for a while; and you begin to feel unfulfilled with repeating your maladaptive behavioral pattern. When these things happen, you may also start to notice the reasons why you've been stuck, which often times have their basis in more primitive things like fear of change, fear of failure or rejection, loneliness, etc.
After one identifies the obstacles that have kept them in the ongoing pattern of behavior and one has acknowledged that continuing to engage in the behavioral pattern is personally unfulfilling, one can do something escape our self-imposed condition of being stuck. First, we can acknowledge that failure is always possible. We can fail to succeed at making some lifestyle or personal change, we can fail at maintaining healthy, fulfilling personal relationships, etc. Fear of failure is often what keeps people stuck in old, unfulfilling behavioral patterns. Since failure is always possible, the goal can't be a criterion as strong as success. Instead the standard should be something slightly weaker such as doing everything you can within your control. The sooner people come to terms with this, the less likely they'll be afraid and get stuck in the first place. Accepting the possibility of failure dovetails nicely with the Buddhist attitude of non-attachment. The attitude of non-attachment is the acceptance that everything changes and is impermanent. And since everything changes and is impermanent we shouldn't cling to things that change or end, including personal relationships, friends, personal experiences, etc. If we cling to things that change or end, we suffer; and the suffering tends to result in new fears, e.g., fear of engaging in relationships, fear in setting personal goals that will lead to meaningful growth, etc. We have to reconcile the fact that we can invest everything we have into a relationship with the fact that the relationship can end, esp. since relationships include other people who may or may not be well-suited for us. Having an attitude of non-attachment does not mean not investing everything that you have into a relationship; it just means not clinging to the relationship if the relationship ends. Having a relationship that ends is perfectly compatible with doing everything that one can do to maintain the relationship. The virtue of an attitude of non-attachment is that it prevents people from being possessed by their fears that keep them stuck in old, unfulfilling behavioral patterns.
Last, a useful exercise is to reflect on the following question: what things possess you, e.g., people, fears, experiences, etc.?
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